Harry Potter and the Beer Bash
by Malfoys-Gurl-0349
Summary: This is a short story! But very funny! I think you will like it!
1. Default Chapter

A/N: OK I was really bored and thought I would do a very Fcked up comedy! Ok so this is just for laughs and stuff!

Much Love Always,

Sammy

WARNING: Very messed up comedy!

Setting, Time, Ext: Harry in his 7th year at Hogwarts.....Harry killed Voldermort in his 6th year...

Disclaimer: I do not own any bit of Harry Potter, so please don't sue me. I am just a fan. Writing a FAN FIC! You know, that's why this is ........where fans write fictional stories about books or movies and stuff! So I do not own Harry Potter, tear, I don't own anything come to think of it....cries in corner. LOL jk

Rating: R for violence and swearing and junk like that!

OK so enjoy

Also if you are looking for a really funny story like this read "Harry Potter and the Goblet of Drugs!" Great fanfic!

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Harry Potter and The Beer Bash!

(Harry Ron and Hermione are sitting in the common room)

Ron: I am bored

Harry: Me too! But why the fuck does that matter! (goes to sleep)

Hermione: Lets get on with the beer bash then! (jumps to feet and goes to the mini fridge!)

Ron: What you mean beer bash? And since when did the Gryffindor Common Room have a bloody mini fridge???

Hermione: (grabs some beers out of fridge) Well this fanfic IS called "Harry Potter and the Beer Bash", so what the bloody fuck do you think its was gonna be about? Harry going to get a fucking circumcision?

Harry: (wakes up from nap suddenly) WHAT!!!!!!!!! ( jumps up and hides behind couch) NEVER! You can't make me!

Ron: OH fuck up harry! Have a beer

Hermione: (throws a beer to Harry, but hits him in the head and knocks him unconscious) Opps! Oh well

Ron: Are we gonna get others to come.

Hermione: They are already here

(Professor Snape, Professor Dumbledore, Professor Binns, Professor McGonagall, Professor Trelawney, Ginny, Neville, Angelina, Katie, Draco, Crabbe, Goyle, Crookshanks, Wormtail, Voldemort, Parvati, Lavender, Deam, Seamus, Fred, George jump out of a shoebox)

Ron: WHAT THE FUCK (stumbles backwards over the table and falls on his fat ass ) How the fuck u do that? And I though Voldy was dead!

Voldermort: I AM now shut up or I will use Avada Kada on u!

Hermione: I didn't Harry hide them in there...and HELLO! Ever heard of magic.

Ron: (mumbles to self) oh...oh yeah....but...um....why the hell did it have to be a shoebox?

Hermione: Don't ask me ask him! (points to Harry who starts to wake up)

Harry: (drowsily says) What...no...(places hands over his .... "manhood") NO I wont do it, u cant make me!

Hermione: Oh shut up! (throws another beer at Harry, once again knocking him out.)

Draco: KO! Hermione 2, Harry...0!!!!!! (laughs sinisterly)

Hermione: Fuck up Draco its not you turn to speak (Hits Draco with beer, KOing him aswell!) And Ron what is the matter with u?

Ron: ? I am well......I am scared of shoeboxes! (Backs away from shoe box making the evil sign with hands)

Hermione: I thought you were afraid of spiders???

Ron: ME TOO! But don't ask me ask her (points at sammy)

Sammy: WTF u aren't suppose to see me! (throws beer at Ron, KOing him)

Hermione: Nice shot!

Sammy: Thank you...now continue....oh but first (snaps fingers, all KOed people come back to life) Bye (runs and jumps into shoebox)

Dumbledore: BEER (goes and steels all the beer)

Binns: MINE MINE MINE MINE MINE! (runs at Dumbledork....I mean Dumbledore, attacking him!)

Draco: What is going on? (starts to wake up)

Harry: NOOOOOO (runs off into boys dormitory)

Ron: My god....hold on I will go get him (runs after Harry)

Lavender: DO I have to be here....I just got a spot in a much more serious and cooler fan fic (smiles and poses)

Hermione: Fine then bi! (points wand at Lavender and Lavender combust into flames)

Lavender: OW OW OW (burns up and dies)

Hermione: MUHAHAHAHHAHA

Draco: (drunk now) Hermione, you r so fucking sexy when you do that! (stumbles towards her)

Hermione: EWWWWWW moves out of way so Draco stumbles towards the open window that was behind her)

Draco: (cant stop running/moving/stuff) NOOOO HELLLPPPPP (falls out open window)

(room becomes quiet)

Fred and George: Kompi!

(Ron and Harry come down the stairs, Harry is still very scared and stuff)

Ron: what the hells is a Kompi???

Fred: Its not a what IS A kompi...

George: It's a what does it mean!

Fred: Kompi is some ceremonial Japanese thing...

George: It's like the American version of CHEERS!

Ron: (raises eye brow at them) and you know this how???

Fred: we don't she (starts to point at Sammy)

Sammy: NOOOO (tackles Fred and knocks him out) There....now no one else notice me! OKKKKKKK!

(room is very quiet, everyone nods head in agreement)

Sammy: GOOD (Jumps into mini fridge)

Voldermort: Hey just a question...what type of Beer we drinking?

Harry: (mutters to self) get away...get away...mine mine! My nuts!

Voldermort: Harry since when have you become an obsessed squirrel....

Ron: um Voldy... (places hand on Voldermort's shoulder) That's not the type on nuts he is talking about...

Voldermort: (becomes quiet).......oh

Hermione: (VERY DRUNK) Ron I love u!

Ron: (turns to look at Hermione) HERMIONE YOUR DRUNK

Hermione: I know (stumbles towards Ron) wanna go up to my room??? (winks)

Ron: (looks back and forth to see if people are looking) (grabs Hermione's hand and pulls her up to the Boys Dormitory)

Dean: WHOA go Ron...Hey Everyone Ron is gonna get laid! U go...(Dean is cutt of by a beer bottle being flung down the stairs and hitting him in the head)

Seamus: (runs to Dean) THAT BASTARD ....Y DEAN?

Draco: Seamus are you gay??

Seamus: ummmm...no....um....yeah...I mean...maybe

Draco: right (scoots away from Seamus with scared look)

Hermione: (screams from upstairs) RON!!! OH RON

Draco: Oh god that's digusting!

Seamus: (sitting on couch) YOU may think so (grins)

Draco: OH I am gonna barf...and Malfoys don't barf!!!!!!!!

Seamus: (stands up) HEY RON! I'm COMING TOO...( runs up the stairs and out of site) how about a three some???

Draco: (barfs)

Dumbledore: Ewwwwwww

Voldermort: Get him out of here!...SHMAO

Sammy: (jumps down from ceiling) WHAT and Voldermort if you call me by that nickname again I will poke you eyes out with a plastic fork! And where would the fierce Dark Lord Be without eyes????

Voldermort: Backs away from sammy) Ok ok....um we need you to clean this up....(Points to the passed out Draco and the barf)

Sammy: ewwww...( snaps fingers and Draco and the "stuff" disappear) There now GOOD BYE! (jumps out window)

Voldermort: what a very strange girl

(Suddenly a giant Shoe box chases a naked Ron down the stairs and out the window)

Ron: AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH (SPLAT)

Voldermort: WHOA? I think this fic chapter is coming to an end!

Giant Shoebox: Well Voldermort...it appears that u are right...look at the next line! (points below)

_Fin_

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OK GUYS plz review! Tell me if you like it...and if u want another chapter.....and tell me what u would want in the next chapter!

Thanks a million

Much Love,

Sammy


	2. The Aftermath

OK Hey guys! what up?

Well I got some reviews....and got bored the other day and decided to do another chapter...hope u like it!

its a short one but...enjoy!

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Harry woke up as the sun shown through the window in the Gryffindor Common Room. He rolled over onto is stomach to escape the blinding rays, trying to get back to sleep. He hurt all over from sleeping on the floor, but did not have strength enough to crawl over to the couch. Quickly and fell back into a deep slumber...only to be woken by someone stepping on his back.

"HUMPH" Harry pushed his body up with his arms and commented "GOD watch where your going you..... oh.. Hi Luna..."

Harry stopped to look at Luna. She was walking around with a copy of the "Quibber". A/N: Ok the stuff about Luna may not be correct just bare with me...I am to lazy to go find my books and check spelling and details - She was wearing Pink and Blue pajamas and fuzzy teddy bear slippers. The look on her face was not much more then a mere smirk....

"Oh I am so Harry", Luna reached down and helped Harry to his feet. "I wasn't looking where I was going". Luna stated with a bit of a frown.

"Obviously." Harry quietly stated to himself, putting a hand on his sore back.

"What was that?" Luna said innocently, her face buried once more in her magazine. She obviously had no heard.

"Oh nothing."

Harry looked around to see that the Gryffindor Common Room was totally clean.

' How the hell... Last time I saw this place it was a mess.'

But not anymore. It was sparkly clean. REALLY. Harry could see little lights everywhere....or maybe that was just his hangover. Harry didn't put much thought though into any of this. All he knew is he felt like shit.

Harry's head was spinning and hurt like hell. He quickly backed up to where he had THOUGHT the couch was, and sat down, falling right on his arse.

"Ohhhhhh! ow! What the bloody hell!" Harry stood back up quickly (which was a bad head for he got quite the head rush) and rubbed is now very sore ass.

"Where the hell did the couch go??" Harry asked.

"Oh I had to throw it out while I was cleaning, it had....well....it was a mess....TEENAGERS!" Luna looked at Harry who had a very confused look on his face.

"You....you threw out the couch???" Harry's head hurt even more now. He took a quick glance at the trash can...go only knows why. Mentally smacking himself for that little action.

' Of course it wouldn't be in the trashcan you bloody git!' Harry scolded himself.

"That IS what I just said! Isnt it??? HUMPH!" and with that Luna marched up the stairs to the girls dormitory.

' But why is the couch gone??' A/N: POTC! Jack Sparrow ROXHarry thought to himself.

"argg! I just want to sleep!! NOW! ", Harry sat down on the floor where the couch SHOULD have been and fell back to sleep. Snoring quite loudly.

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.: Meanwhile in the Boys Dormitory :.

Ron slowly woke, keeping his eyes shut though. He first noticed his toes where freezing! He went to scrunch his legs up into his chest so his toes could escape the cold, soon realizing there was something in his way.

' What the?...' Ron's thoughts stopped right there when he suddenly realized that it was not a 'something' but more of a 'someONE'! As soon as panic crept into him it was washed away as the memories of last night came flowing back.

"Hermione..." Ron muttered with a grin on his face. The person next to him stirred.

Keeping his eyes closed and reached out a hand and stroked her hair. But rather then that soft curly hair he was expecting, he touched what felt like a sweaty, greasy, clump of hair.

Ron ran his hand across what he thought was Hermione's cheek, when he heard from the owner of the cheek, a deep husky voice... "mmmmm Ron..."

Ron's eyes shot open and in front of him was none other then Professor Snape!

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Harry's POV

Harry was once again woken up against his intentions.

This time it was not some dull-witted girl stepping on him, but a high pitch squeal that he immediately recognized as his best friend's....Ron.

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OK guys I got to leave it hear...hw and stuff! I will update really soon! promise....and I will make the next chapter longer!  
  
Thanks much plz review  
  
Sammy  



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